Thinking Out Loud

I think about the past and all the choices that have led me to this moment in time.

I think about the future and the paralyzing fear of what might come next.

I think about why I'm suddenly afraid of everything and how it snuck up on me. How I hate it.

I think about how to be a better version of myself and am immediately exhausted - and I wonder when or if I'll ever feel whole. What it might take to get there.

I think about all the trauma I have lived through - how far removed and irrelevant it seems, how impactful it's been.

I think about who I shoulda, coulda, woulda been.

I think about secrets and wishes and hidden desires. Long-lost adventures, decades past, midnight stars, and you...I think about you.