Turning 40, Being Uncomfortable, & Going Substack.

After a little time away to reset, a new project has been born.

Photo by Sorina Bindea on Unsplash

I turned 40 a couple of months ago, and since then, I’ve just felt…off.

I’m not sure how to show up in the world as 40-year-old me. I no longer feel like I “fit” into my life. I can’t really explain how uncomfortable it has been to sit with these emotions or how difficult it is to define the undefinable.

Deep down, I’ve always harbored a desire to create, a pull to contribute something to the world. This wasn’t something I was encouraged to explore or cultivate, but it’s always been there — a gentle nagging to put myself out there and be seen. To add my voice to the collective story.

It’s a terrifying prospect for someone like me. Someone who has been told repeatedly that they aren’t good enough, smart enough, or interesting enough for others to pay attention to. I don’t know that I fully believe that anymore, but it is still a difficult mindset to grow out of.

So, I took some time away from writing and allowed myself the opportunity to be uncomfortable.

It’s been an enlightening experience.

I sat with all the bits and pieces of myself that I’ve avoided or pushed away out of shame, fear, or uncertainty and examined them in the light of…